Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
