Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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