Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
