Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
