I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
