The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
