i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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