Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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