His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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