Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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