If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
