it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
