I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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