hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
