I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
