So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
