cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
