I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
