Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize