Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
