So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
