I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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