Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
