god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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