Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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