Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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