while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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