no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
