first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
