Im at strip club and am horny
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
