Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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