Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
