someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
