i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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