Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
