i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
