So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
