i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
