Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
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He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
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Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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