I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
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I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
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When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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