We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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