I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
