well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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