come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
