Cold hands, warm shart.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
