Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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