Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
