She is in my trunk
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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