I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
They have beer where we have blood.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
