Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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