I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
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He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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