we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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