Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize