Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
