i may or may not be watching the land before time
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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