my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
