But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
